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Surely The Clue Is In The Name?

Aircraft Carrier. You see how that works? It’s… a carrier… for aircraft. Not a difficult concept, really, is it?

Apparently it’s one lost on the UK government though. Announcing the scrapping of our flag ship aircraft carrier HMS Ark Royal and our entire fleet of Harriers, we’re assured that we have two new state-of-the-art aircraft carriers on the way that will serve us for the next 30 to 40 years…

… with one teeny little snaggette. We won’t have any aircraft for them to carry until sometime around 2020. [...]  read more

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Dear The French, Get A Grip, You Lazy Fuckers.

Right now, the French are rioting in the streets, the country virtually on its knees as fuel runs out due to ALL the fuel producing refineries and depots being on strike. Why? Because their government proposes to raise the retirement age from 60 to 62.

Even at 62, you would have one of the lowest retirement ages in the whole of Europe. Here in the UK, the retirement age is ALREADY 65, with a proposal that it should go up to 68… or even that the concept of a ‘default retirement age’ be scrapped altogether. That’s at least SIX FUCKING YEARS more than you we’re going to be expected to work. [...]  read more

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Dear Hilary. Please Fuck Off.

So Hilary Clinton has expressed concern at proposed UK defence spending cuts? What fucking right do the US have to tell our fucked up little island how to spend it’s cash? What’s the matter? Worried you won’t have any cannon fodder for your friendly fire? It’s a well known fact your forces treat ours with derision and contempt. Although apparently quite happy to accidentally blow the shit  out of them quite regularly.

Plus your president is clearly anti-British, as seen throughout the BP affair with all his posturing. Although I could see how he might be worried that we’ll stop spending our money on US arms and equipment. [...]  read more

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Typecast As Self?

I caught a bit of Law & Order: Criminal Intent the other day, and I came to the conclusion I really don’t like Jeff Goldblum as an actor…. because, basically, he totally can’t act. The only part he can play is Jeff Goldblum. Think about it. It doesn’t matter what part he plays or what he plays it in, he is always the EXACT same character – pop-eyed, stammering, goofy guy who has exactly one slightly vacant permanent expression which he looks like he’s learned from Joey Tribiani’s ‘smell the fart’ acting classes. And he’s just being himself… if you’ve ever seen him interviewed, he’s exactly the same. If the part calls for a gawky, rubber faced guy who appears a bit of a dick head, I guess he’s your man. [...]  read more

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Shut Up And Pay Up, Bitches

Ok. I’m beginning to get a bit fucked off with all the pissing and moaning across the country in the last day or two about the government proposal to remove caps on university tuition fees.

Look, it’s your decision to go to university. It’s you that wants to get educated at the tax payers expense so you can become one of those middle class high earners for the rest of your working life on the strength of a piece of paper that says you have booksmarts.

Is it REALLY too much to expect you to pay a fraction of one years salary back to cover the cost of a portion of your education? [...]  read more

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Dear The Human Race

Please, please, for the love of all that is fucking holy, learn to use the BCC field.

Or more importantly, stop sending me every fucking stupid email that comes your way, while exposing my email address to a hundred of your dumb friends so that they can add me to the mailing group that THEY send every fucking inane piece of crap to.

Also,

JUST

BECAUSE

IT’S WRITTEN

IN BIG RED

LETTERS

WITH LOTS OF

EXCLAMATION

MARKS

DOESN’T

MAKE IT

IMPORTANT

OR EVEN

NECESSARILY

TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [...]  read more

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Miss Popularity

HA HA! I would just like to offer a Nelson Muntz style point-and-laugh at the 14 year old girl who accidentally invited world and dog to her birthday party via Facebook.

She has so far had 21000 RSVP’s from people around the world promising to turn up at her little family home in Harpenden, the address of which she also announced to the entire planet along with her phone number.

“The police have contacted Facebook but we have had no contact from them, which is a bit disappointing.”, her mother whines. FUCK OFF, BITCH! You should be fucking prosecuted for having the fucking cheek to ring the police to mop up after your kids mistakes. Try being a better fucking mother, mother fucker. [...]  read more

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Dog Owners Are Shit

I’m not really sure what the BBC were trying to achieve with their story on Breakfast this morning. We all know that, apart from being unsightly, smelly, and a nuisance, dog shit is also potentially extremely dangerous to people, and obviously especially to children, and that it can permanently affect their eyesight, among other things. Happens more than you think… and dragging one little girl who has been left blinded by dog shit in a play park onto morning telly really isn’t going to make any difference. [...]  read more

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Whoop-De-Fucking-Do

Dear The Media,

So the fucking pope is visiting over here. I REALLY COULDNT FUCKING CARE LESS. SERIOUSLY.

There MUST, surely, be OTHER news to cover than fucking PopeWatch 24/7? Anything? Please? I’d rather watch a dog having a shit, frankly.

Thanks.

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